Tuesday, January 24, 2006

WorkOut - Show, Don't Tell

Using the information presented in my last two blogger posts, try your hand at turning these TELLING phrases into examples of SHOWING.
flying flag
cheap wine
hot chocolate
deadly weapon
old woman
cold weather
Telling: flying flag
Showing: the flag flapped like the wings of sea gull
Rewrite these TELLING paragraphs, using the SHOWING technique..

Use these questions to help you see what you should change.
Do I care about the characters?
What can I do to make my readers know and care about the characters?
What words are too vague?
Are there like/as comparisons that would help me convey the thought better?
Can I use dialogue to enrich the story?
Is this a visual passage?
What needs to be done to create word pictures in the reader’s mind?
George was hot. Sweat poured off his brow and soaked his shirt. Being a farmer is not the life for me, he thought.
The car was traveling about 70 mph when it hit the old oak. The man inside the car miraculously survived, too drunk to even notice that his car was now unrecognizable.
Andrew was mad. Really mad. He was so mad he wanted to hit something – and hit it hard. Unfortunately for him, the next person to enter the room was the police sergeant.
If you would like to share what you've written with me, you can email me (Louise Bergmann DuMont) at njcwg.dumont@gmail.com I will critique your attempts ONLY if you request that I do so -- but I promise to read them all.
Jehovah-Nissi (The Lord is My Banner) Exodus 17:8-16
Louise Bergmann DuMont
Facilitator, NJCWG

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